From the moment you accept his proposal to the day you walk down the aisle the opportunities to celebrate are endless. You have the engagement party, the bridal party luncheon, the bridal shower, the bachelor/ bachelorette parties, the rehearsal dinner, and (let's not forget) the wedding. Although the planning, and scheduling for all of these events is enough to make a person's head spin, we also must consider when it is appropriate to give a gift. To alleviate some of the pressure (a little gift from Mama), here are a few general gift giving guidelines:
The Engagement Party: As we mentioned in a previous blog- "To Have Or To Hold Off"- not everyone has an engagement party. They are certainly not mandatory, but are a great way to announce your upcoming nuptials to your friends and family. If people are aware that they are attending an engagement party, it is natural for them to bring a gift in honor of your celebration. Though people may wish to bring gifts, they should not be expected to do so. If you really do not want your guests to feel obligated to bring a gift, invite them over for a casual get together, and use the engagement as an element of surprise.
The Bridal Party Luncheon: It is not customary for the bride to receive gifts at the bridal party luncheon. This is the brides chance to thank her bridesmaids for for taking part in her wedding. For some, this may be the very moment that she requests the honor of their participation. If any gifts are given, it should be the bride offering a small token of thanks.
The Bridal Shower: The main event of a bridal shower is the opening of gifts! So if you are a future bride you'll want to make sure you have your registry in order for this occasion, but don't forget your manners! Ask your maid of honor, or one of your bridesmaids to keep a list of what each guest gives you so that you make sure you send them a thank you afterwards.
The Bachelor/Bachelorette Party: When it comes to the bride or grooms last night out, the gifts that are given are typically humorous in nature. This is not the time where you would search the registry, but instead you might focus on some final fling paraphernalia, such as t-shirts, shot glasses, or hats.
The Rehearsal Dinner: It is not customary for a guest to bring gifts to a rehearsal dinner. Instead, this is the time for the bride and groom to show their appreciation for their bridal party, parents, family and friends. Typically the bride will offer a gift to her bridesmaids (often it is a piece of jewelry to wear on the wedding day), and the groom will present his groomsmen with a gift as well. They might also take this opportunity to give a gift to their parents to thank them for all they have done in preparing for the big day.
The Wedding: You gave a gift at the bridal shower, therefor it is not necessary to give a gift for the wedding. Wrong. You do need to give a gift for both the shower and the wedding. These gifts do not need to be elaborate or expensive. Typically people will send a gift upon receipt of the wedding invitation (even if you will not be attending). Here in New York it is customary to give the bride and groom monetary gifts on the wedding day, but this is not the same custom in all areas. For example, down south a gift table might be set up during the reception so guests could bring the gifts to the wedding. If you are unsure what the customs are for your bride and groom, err on the side of caution and send the gift to the bride's home prior to the big day. On many occasions the bride and groom will also give gifts to their guests at the end of the wedding, in the form of a favor. These gifts are usually a small token of thanks for those that shared the day.
Do you have a story to share about giving or receiving a gift? Send us a comment and tell Mama about it!
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